Waiting...

Lately I have been a whirlwind of emotions. Not worried one minute and thinking about other things to crying the next. I guess if I didn't acutally talk to anyone about Tony and the kids, I would be fine. If I actually open my mouth and speak about it, I get full of anxiety and I cry. I have to say that yesterday, I just plastered on a smile and said everything is fine, we are just taking things one day at a time...didn't talk about the kids or anything specific....I made it through that conversation with out crying. Of course, I didn't know the person I was talking to all that well. Talking to family, the doctors or close friends, I just seem to lose it. I'm sure all of this is normal but it makes me crazy. I don't want to feel like this, I want to know what is going on and what the treatment is and side effects and how long it is going to take and what to expect and what to tell the kids and I DON'T HAVE ANY ANSWERS. I realize that we will know on Thursday but right now, Thursday is a really long time away.