I'm back

I haven't blogged in 14 months. I'm back!! I've decided that blogging is a lot like keeping a journal and I need to do that for myself and my kids.

In the past 14 months, Tony is doing better, my broken foot is doing better, Kade's surgery went well and Connor is making lots of progress in therapy. Tristan is doing well but has had to face the fact that life is hard.

One of Tristan's friends from 4th grade sports killed himself. We talked about a lot of things after this happened. I'm hurting for his family and praying for them. Tristan has such a good heart. Sharing bible verses with some of those closest to Jacob. I'm so thankful that we have today.

Thankful for Gods many blessings. Especially my children.

Less than two weeks

I really haven't had anything to blog about it because life has continued as usual. Once we had the date, I have just started getting some things in order and going about my day as usual. We now have a blood work/paper work date of the 19th of November.

This morning, I woke and realized that our days of being "normal" are numbered. It made me cry. I love our "normal". I love my husband. I love my kids. I wish this was over.

I wish God would let me know what we are supposed to do with this journey. What are we supposed to learn and share with others?

We have a date

I have been waiting and waiting for us to get the surgery date and now that it's here, I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse!! Now all I can think of is how much I have to do between now and then. I will never get it all done but I will do my best. I will just pray that God guides me to do what is most important and not be overwhelmed. The same goes for Tony. Lists and more lists of things that should be done! Oh well. The only list that really matters is the one God has put before us...may we open our eyes and ears to what he wants us to be doing right now.

November 22, 2010...surgery. We will be ready with God.

Normal Day

What a wonderful normal day today. Kade had a swim meet and I went with him. Tristan had baseball and Tony went with him and Connor had bowling and my sister took him. It is a weekend with out "cancer". It is a weekend just like any other. It is NORMAL!! Tonight is Halloween and we are going to our friends home, Mike and Michele and letting the boys trick or treat in their neighborhood. Letting them have some fun and nobody is mentioning the word cancer for the most part. We are having fun and enjoying the weekend....one day at a time and today is a great NORMAL day!!

Sleep

Tony finally slept. Seven hours of sleep before he woke up. We are praising God for that.

Get it together

Yesterday was tough. It's hard to get mad at someone that has cancer!! LOL!! But I have decided that I can't make things all cookies and cream so to speak. Life goes on, family goes on, and sometimes you just have to put your foot down for the greater good. Tony is not eating...He is going to make himself sick since he already has what the doctors call a "compromised immune system". He cannot get sick before this surgery. We do not want it delayed for any reason. We need to get the date and move on it.

I can't say I know how he feels or it will "be OK". Because I don't know that...what I do know is you can't walk around and be angry or sullen because it hurts those around you.

We as a family have to get our act together.....

Sleeping on it

I always seem to type up this blog in the morning after I have slept on the days events.

Tony and I went to see our family physician and discuss the treatment options that were presented to us by the specialist and get a little clarity. Tony has opted for the general surgery. This is an invasive surgery that requires the doctor to go through the stomach and stomach muscle but it is a very thorough surgery. The doctor will be able to look around and see if there is any more cancer and touch the nodes and see if they have cancer and remove them. I have no idea when this is going to be scheduled but it will be with in three weeks. I believe in my heart and even my gut that Tony has made the right decision.

I have to say this is a truly difficult time for us but I have about as much peace as I can possible have. I'm not full of anxiety every day, the tears are less if not gone for the most part and we are barely making it financially but as of now, we are shuffling enough to make it. It helps that we have been very blessed by Kade's swim team, they have taken some of that financial burden away. The electric company has agreed to give us a small extension and I have to call the gas company today. We have some great friends that have brought us groceries, and meals and lots of prayers.

Now, if I can just get my kids to relax and stop worrying. I know they are like little sponges and absorb not just the words but the emotions and moods that are around them. My emotions are ok, just really tired, Tony is now thinking that "this really sucks" as he so eloquently put it!! I can't even begin to imagine how he is feeling or what is going on but I can tell you that he is a fighter even when he is scared or tired or mad. I am really praying that God just lays his hands on him and grants him peace in his mind and in his heart.